Blame
by rantandrumour
Summary: My Series 3 Episode 1. Alex is back and trying to figure out whether the 1982 world is real. Meanwhile, the team is facing problems of their own. My first fanfic
1. Waking Up

This is my first fanfic. This chapter's a bit slow but it will pick up! Reviews are appreciated

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_The shot echoed in the courtyard. There was a searing pain in her side. Had she been shot? She must have, but the pain, it was gone now. She looked at him. He said something. She couldn't hear him. She felt tired. Surely he wouldn't mind if she just lay on the ground for a few moments. She was just so tired. She lowered herself to the ground and looked up. Why were they staring at her like that? It wasn't like she was dying. Then she realised, she must be. She tried to feel fear, but the only feeling she could find was contentment, even though she realised she would never see Molly again. She looked up at them again, but the light was too bright. It was much too bright. It hurt her eyes. She decided to close them, just for a moment._

_He watched her as her eyes closed. He looked at her, and he knew. It was his fault._

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"BOLLY! BOLLS!" His voice rang through every monitor and television.

"Help me!" Alex ran through the hospital, desperately trying to hide from Gene's face. It was no use. He still called out from every screen. His face surrounded her. Alex sank down to the floor crying. "No! No!"

"Alex?" A voice sliced through her anguish. Relief spread through her. It wasn't Gene's voice. Alex looked up. His face had disappeared from the television behind the man who said her name.

"Alex," he said again. "What are you doing here? How did you even get out here?" Alex looked up and peered at the man through tear-filled eyes.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Samuel Gerard. I'm your surgeon, Alex. Now can you tell me how you got out here?"

"I don't know," said Alex, thinking quickly. If she feigned ignorance, they would pass this off as something to do with her injury. "I can't remember."

Gerard looked concerned. "I'll get a wheel chair and we'll go back to your room, okay Alex?"

"Yes…yes that's fine." He left and came back quickly, accompanied by her nurses who scooped her up into the wheelchair like she weighed nothing.

"Shit," said one of the nurses. "Look at her hand. She pulled out the bloody IV."

"Get her back to her room and take care of it," the surgeon said.

***

Several hours later Alex was lying in her bed, Molly asleep by her side. The room was blissfully silent. After being taken back to her room she had to face question after question, until finally she pretended to pass out from sheer exhaustion. The staff had finally left, leaving Alex alone to think. Although she was glad to finally be back in 2009, Alex found that she was tired of being in the hospital already. She was already counting down the days until she could be released.

Something didn't add up. How could she be in a coma in 1982? How could she possibly even think about leaving Molly, the only reason she came back. If Molly wasn't in 2009, she would have stayed behind in the world her mind created. In the world with Gene.

_Gene…._

Alex shook herself. She couldn't keep thinking about him. He was a fictitious construct and that was it.

But it had all seemed so real.

It didn't matter. She had Molly. She wasn't going back to '82. Gene hadn't meant to shoot her, but he _had_ wanted her gone. He preferred Jenette. Not Alex.

"So stop entertaining silly fantasies," she said out loud. "It was all in your head anyway."

Molly stirred, hearing Alex's voice. "Mum? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine Molls. Sorry I woke you."

"It's okay Mum. I'm just glad your back."

"Me too sweetheart." But what was back? Was she forever going to be plagued by seeing Gene in the television? Would she be able to deal with that? Or could she slip into her normal everyday 2009 life and ignore the calls of the past? As Molly adjusted herself to a more comfortable position in the chair, one question haunted her. Was Gene Hunt actually real?


	2. Determination

**Thanks for reading! Forgot to mention this in my first chapter, but I unfortunately don't own Ashes to Ashes or any characters in it.

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_She didn't stir from her peaceful slumber. Her chest rose and fell slightly. He fell back into the chair. He had yelled at the top of his lungs and she hadn't stirred. It was his fault. All his fault. If he hadn't listened to Jenette, Alex would have been at his side during the blag, not acting on her own. __But the tape... What had she meant by that tape? It didn't matter now. Not when she was like this. A stray piece of his golden mane fell in front of his forehead. He didn't pay it any mind. He just stared at her, so far gone. Almost like she was in a different world. And it was all his fault._

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"Bye Mum!" It was several weeks later, and Alex had just dropped Molly off at school. Alex had stunned the doctors with a seemingly miracle recovery, which had spanned only weeks and not months like expected. She woke from the coma still able to speak and walk, although her legs were shaky. There didn't seem to be any negative effects from the bullet. Now, as she watched Molly walk away from the car, her face turned from a happy smile to a look of grim determination. She had work to do.

Alex had been planning what to do upon her release from almost the time she awoke from her coma. Now that she was finally out, she headed over to Fenchurch East. In legal terms, she wasn't actually allowed to return to work yet, but there was nothing against saying hello to her co-workers. And if she managed to swipe a few files on the way out, well, who was to blame her?

Alex walked through the doors to meet the stares of her colleagues. The man in reception looked up.

"DI Drake! I didn't expect you back to work so soon."

"Hello PC Andrews. I'm not here to do any actual work. Just thought I'd pop in and say hello. And maybe just take a few files home to study. Can't get out of practice can I?

"Of course not DI Drake. Enjoy yourself!"

Alex walked into the room where files of cases long finished were kept. Also in the file room were the files of everyone who had worked in the station before computers became the way to store anything. It was here that she needed to be.

***

Alex quickly rifled through the file cabinet. She held her breath as she looked through name after name. Alex stopped in the "C's" and gasped. One of the folders was labelled "Carling, Raymond." Although she had thought that Ray could be there, she was hoping against it. She flipped back to the "S's." Right where she thought she'd find it was the file on "Skelton, Christopher." Right behind it, however was a file she did not expect. "Skelton, Sharon 'Shaz'" it read.

"Oh Chris," she said, "You did go through with it. I bet you two are very happy."

Alex flipped back to the "H's." She found "Hunt, Gene" with ease and pulled his file out along with the other three. Now there was just one folder left to find. Taking a deep breath, she flipped to the "D's" and searched. There it was. "Drake, Alexandra." She had really gone back. Or had she? Her psychologist's disbelief still haunted the back of her mind. It could still all be just a giant coincidence.

Alex heard a sound at the door. She quickly closed the drawer to the filing cabinet. The door opened and PC Andrews walked through the door.

"DI Drake! I've been looking for you! I wasn't even thinking when you walked in and didn't tell you that you missed the CID. They were called out." The young man looked at Alex, taking in her guilty face and the files in her hands.

"Now, you might want to leave before they get back. You don't want to get caught with those files."

Alex looked at the PC in shock. "You're not going to say anything?" It was strictly forbidden to take the personnel files.

"You may not know me very well DI Drake, but I know about you. If you need those files, you need them for something important. And may God strike me down if I get in the way of a DI and her work."

"Thank you so much PC Andrews. You have no idea how much this means to me."

"It's no problem DI Drake."

"Please, call me Alex."

"I would, DI Drake, and thank you for letting me on first name basis, but the fact is I am a PC and you are my superior officer, so in the office, I have to refer to you as DI Drake."

Alex surveyed the young plod, amused. "Right, well thank you PC Andrews. I will see you again when I return."

Andrews opened the door and saw her out of the station. As Alex walked outside he said, "Also, outside the office, you can refer to me as Nick."

Alex waited till the door closed and laughed. Not only did she get out of the station without seeing CID, she had made a new acquaintance that could help her as much as Shaz used to.

_Shaz…_

Alex remembered the files in her hand and ran to her car. It was time to figure out 1982 once and for all.


	3. Discovery

**First off, thank you to all who are reading! I haven't noted before, but this is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. **"_I'm sorry Guv. Its orders, and if they find out I ignored 'em, I'm off the force. I hate doin' this. Ya know that." The DC looked nervous. He, like everyone else in the department considered Ray and Chris the new leaders of CID, much to the anger of the new DCI. He couldn't help it; they had been the Guv's right hand men. Worried about DI Drake, and the Guv, their tempers had been flaring lately. If he brought the Guv in... He shuddered to think of what they would do to him. But he had to do it. It was his duty._

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"_Sure…Yer a good lad. Ya gotta stay on the force."_

"_You'll come quietly Guv?"_

"_No other way to go, is there? Ya won't kill me."_

"_I couldn't Guv."No matter what his duty was, he could never kill the Guv._

"_Be better if I was dead. After what I did." He allowed himself a thought about the pale figure in the hospital bed. He had put her there. It was all his fault_

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Alex was home. She had been for quite a while, sitting at the table. Persuading herself to open the files, something she had been doing since the second she entered her flat, proved more difficult than expected. Alex looked around the roomy flat. It was bigger than the one above Luigi's, but seemed less like home. It was too big, too sparsely furnished.

Before Layton shot her, she didn't mind it. In fact, that was the way she liked it. Nice and tidy, so when she and Molly were actually home, they didn't have to spend it cleaning. In the other flat, everything was a mess. She had hated it, but spent most of her time in CID or in Luigi's so didn't bother. Adding to the disaster was the fact that she had never finished picking up the mess Mac had made when he accused her of being corrupt. Now, she missed it.

"_Everyone always depicts the future as stark and plain. They're right,"_ she thought. Once again she looked at the files on the table. Her hand hovered over Gene's, and then settled on Shaz. "_Right Shaz. Let's see what you've been up to."_

An hour later, she only had two files left. Chris had retired as a DCI in 2001 and Shaz had quit the force after her first child, preferring to take care of her children. When Chris retired, they moved back up to Manchester so they could be closer to his family.

Ray had been shot in the back in 1994 and was paralyzed from the waist down. He had retired from the force after the accident. He still lived in London with his wife, Elizabeth. After being confined to a wheelchair, he received a psychology degree now had his own practice counselling young gays who had been disowned by their families for coming out.

Alex looked down. Two files. Her hand lingered over Gene's file again. She hesitated.

_Gene…_

The television flickered to life. Shaz and Chris appeared on the screen. "Ma'am, its Chris. I know you probably can't hear me, but we miss you. They don't believe us or the Guv. A DC took 'im in yesterday. They found where we'd been hiding 'im. Guv went quietly though. Said he understood. No one was happy, not even the bastard that took 'im in. Ma'am, if you can hear me, you need to come back. It's the only way to save the Guv."

"Not that we don't miss you ma'am," Shaz interceded quickly. "It's just, without the Guv, or you, CID can't run right. We're all torn up. We don't know which way to go ma'am. Please, wake up soon. I need my guardian angel back."

As quickly as it came to life, the television shut off, leaving Alex in a state of horror. "I CAN'T GO BACK! I HAVE MOLLY! I HAVE A LIFE! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE?!"

Alex looked around, and realized she was standing. Her head throbbed and she felt faint. She sat again, head in her hands and looked at the remaining files. "Okay Gene Hunt, let's see what happened to you."

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**TBC. And a note... Even after all the hints put in the Series, and Mac's note, I couldn't bear to turn Ray gay.... I thought his new job would be a nice compromise though!**


	4. Folders

**Thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing! This is just a filler, not much plot. Unbeta'd. Once again, I do not own Ashes to Ashes, or any of its characters.

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_Shaz and Chris looked through the bars at the small, huddled figure of their former DCI. They had been there for near half-an-hour, but no words had been spoken. It hurt them to see the Guv like this. Finally, the deafening silence was broken._

"_Guv. We'll get you out."_

"_They won't let me out Chris. You know that."_

"_Guv, it's not your fault," Shaz protested._

"_It doesn't matter!" The Manc Lion's famous temper exploded, but was quickly under control again. "If she dies, I really do belong here. I'll be a cop killer. I'll be the scum I tried all me life to get rid of. She's dyin' Shaz. And it's all me fault."_

_**_

"Oh, Gene." Alex finished reading the file. "Guv, I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that."

There was only one file left. Her file. She already knew what happened to her from reading the Guv's file, but she still felt an intense curiosity looking at the final folder on the table. Alex picked it up, looking at her name stamped on the side. She opened the file. There was her picture, one taken from when she had first "transferred" to Fenchurch. There was no denying it now. She had really travelled back in time.

The clock chimed and Alex looked up. Molly would be home from school in a few minutes. She took the files and hid them under her bed. Alex then seated herself on the couch and turned on the television as Molly walked in.

"Hi, Mum. How was your day?"

"Delightful, but I'm glad your home."

"The telly is still intact; didn't you watch any daytime television?"

"I started to, but fell asleep. Lazing on the couch isn't for me Molls."

"Do you want to do something?"

"No, just work on your homework Molls. I'll fix dinner for us in a bit. Sound good?"

"Sounds great." Molly gave Alex a kiss on the cheek and went to her room. Alex lay back down on the couch. She thought about Gene again. His file flashed through her mind. She felt so sorry for him. "_I need to go back,"_ she thought. "_But how?" _

To go back, she had to change the past. She couldn't do that. Could she?

Alex remembered Martin Summers. He had killed himself, well his younger self, and hadn't died until Gene shot him in the courtyard.

Assuming she could change the past, how could she even get back? Alex couldn't jump off a roof. She couldn't leave Molly behind again. For the first time, she found herself missing Martin Summers. She needed answers, and he was the one who seemed to know everything about working that world. Oh, sod it! She needed answers! It was time for a visit with her former colleagues.

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**TBC. I'm trying to upload everyday, but might miss a few days this week as I'm moving!**


	5. Ray

**Thanks again for the reviews! They are much appreciated! As usual, I do not own Ashes to Ashes or its characters. My characters and plot are my own.

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_He was alone in the cell. __Viv had been providing food from Luigi's for him, but it was by his side, untouched. The outlook wasn't bright. Chris, Ray, and Shaz had all been down to see him, and though they didn't say anything he knew. She was doing worse. Bolly, HIS Bolls, was fading away. Her life was seeping slowly out of the hole in her left side. _

_Her face wouldn't disappear from his head. __ He relived those awful moments on King Douglas Lane for the hundredth time. The shots had echoed around the courtyard, and he'd looked up. Instead of Jenette falling to the ground as he'd expected, it was her. "Bolly," he'd said. Her perfect hazel eyes were so full of shock and pain. She was falling to the ground. Struggling to breathe. Had time actually slowed down? This moment, this pain, was stretching for what seemed eternity. She was on the ground. Her head turned and she stared straight at him. Her eyes, a moment ago full of emotion, were unreadable. What was she thinking? Could she think? Did she blame him? As the questions swirled in his head, Chris, Ray and Shaz had run up to his side. Shaz and Ray had stopped for a moment staring at him. Her eyes closed. And it was all his fault._

_**_

He woke with a start. He'd been dreaming about her again. It had been 26 bloody years and still he could see her face clear as day. Most of all, he remembered her eyes. God, how he'd loved her eyes. They had always betrayed her, showing her every emotion. They were the first thing he had noticed about her, even though her dress just skimmed her arse and the neckline plunged into oblivion. "_Bolly. My Bolly. My beautiful, perfect Bolls."_ It had been so long since he had seen her. And he would never see her again, because God would have never created something like that to go to hell. It had been 26 bloody years, and it was all his fault.

*

Alex looked at the house not sure if she wanted to go through this. It had been so long since she had seen Ray; would he actually remember her face? She got out of the car and walked up to the front door. Her hand shook as she rang the doorbell. It was answered by a young man, who could hardly have been more than twenty. He had brownish-blonde hair and his eyes were ice blue in colour. He looked like a young version of Ray. The young man looked at her quizzically, and said "Yes?"

"I'm looking for Ray Carling," she said, trying to keep the shake out of her voice.

"Just a moment." The door closed for a moment, and was opened again. "Come on in."

The young man led her into a sitting room where a man sat waiting in a wheelchair. As Alex walked in the man in the wheelchair's eyes grew wide. "Flamin' Nora! There's no way in 'ell…." His sentence dropped off. "Sorry, where are me manners? Can I get ya something to drink?"

"No thanks," said Alex, still unsure of herself.

"Sam, get me a cuppa tea." The young man nodded and exited. "Let me introduce meself, even though you seem to know who I am. I'm Ray Carling, former DI of Fenchurch East. And you are?"

The question was not intended to be rude. Alex could tell. He was simply still shocked by the fact that he'd seen a face from the past; a face long disappeared in the weave of time. Alex straightened herself, and told him the story she had made up earlier. "_Right. Grandmother's name, mum's name, mum's maiden name." _"My name is Isabella Caroline Wickham. I go by Bella. Alex Drake was my birth mother."

Ray looked shocked. "Spittin' image you are. Right down to the last detail. But why are you seeking me out?"

"I was adopted. I always wanted to find out who my birth mother was, but when I was finally able to investigate, I was told that she died and her name was Alex Drake. That is all I had to go on, but the other day I found that she had worked at Fenchurch East and got the names of her co-workers."

"Great woman," said Ray fondly. "She's the one who got me into psychology. So, didja jus' want to know what she was like as a person or what?"

"Yes, that would be marvellous."

"To tell you the truth, she always seemed a bit mad," Ray said. "But that was the way she'd work things out ya know? Always on about how great her psychology was. Course, at the time I thought it was jus' babble, but it did help 'er on all of 'er cases. She was better at solving things than the rest of CID combined together. She'd mention a daughter every once in a while, but would never give any details about 'er. Said she'd need to get back one day, and that night she'd be pissed as hell. She was a great copper, one of only a few I can say I was truly proud to work with."

Whatever Alex had expected to come out of Ray's mouth, it certainly wasn't that. She felt a lump in her throat. "Thank you," she managed.

"Did you find out about any of her other colleagues?" Ray asked.

"Just a little. I looked up the address for the Skelton's, but they are in Manchester and I couldn't travel all the way out there. And then I couldn't find an address for her DCI."

Ray looked at Alex with a great sadness in his eyes. "Best leave the DCI alone," he said quietly. "It'd be for the better." His voice was suddenly cheery again. "Are you sure you didn't want a cup of tea? I like talking to ya. It's almost like talking to yer mother again."

Alex accepted, and Ray called in his son again. "Bella, I'd like to introduce you to me son, Sam Carling. Named after my DI in Manchester. He was a great DI too."

Sending his son to make another cup of tea, Ray and Alex continued their conversation. Finally, she had to stop. "I'm sorry, I have to go. My daughter will be home from school soon, and if I'm not there, she'll panic."

"I understand love. Come over anytime you want to talk." Sam showed her the door, and she got in the car. She looked in the rear-view mirror at herself. The day had been a waste. She hadn't gotten any of the answers she needed.

"It was real…But I still can't go back. How can I change the past?"

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**TBC. **


	6. Chris and Shaz

**First, as always, thank you to everyone who's reading and reviewing! This is unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine. I own nothing of Ashes, but characters I created and plot are mine.**

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Shaz, Chris, and Ray all stood around her bed. It was late at night, and visiting hours were well over, but Ray had a way of "persuading" the staff to let them see her. She was in the same position as she had been when they last visited. However, there were changes. An oxygen mask was strapped to her face, and her skin looked paler than usual.

"_Ma'am, don't give up." Ray looked at her peaceful face and repeated his plea. "Please don't. We need you."_

_If she didn't wake, it would all be over for the Guv. And he would always blame himself. In his mind, it was all his fault._

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He looked up. Something was different. He could sense it. Something was happening. He didn't get excited. He had forgotten how. 26 years of the shame had drained any other emotion out of him. He didn't have any feeling anymore except shame, and it was all his fault.

***

Alex woke a few mornings later when the phone rang. She looked at the clock. 8.30. Molly would be gone by now. The phone rang again. She picked it up.

"Hello," she said groggily.

"Bella?" said the voice on the other end.

Bella? Why did that name sound familiar? Then Alex realised, that was the name she'd given Ray a few days ago.

"Bella?" said the voice again.

"Yes," she managed.

"Hi, Bella, this is Ray Carling. You came over to visit me the other day?"

"Yes, right. What's up?"

"Chris and Shaz Skelton came down to London on holiday yesterday. They dropped by unannounced, but stayed the night last night and I told them about you. I hope you don't mind, but they'd love to meet you."

"Oh, of course. It's no problem at all Ray. I'll be over in a few hours if that's okay?"

"Yes, that's great. See you later."

Alex changed and got ready quickly. It was still strange for her to do her makeup in 2009. She found that she actually missed the heavy blue eye shadow that had framed her hazel eyes every day. Instead, she put on some natural looking eyeliner and mascara, and put her hair in her usual up do. She looked at herself in the mirror. It just didn't seem right. She put her hair back down and looked at herself again. She really needed a haircut. Maybe then she could actually do something with her hair. She moved her fringe so it covered the wound in her head. She reached her hand out for the clip again, and decided against it. Then Alex walked out the door.

She sped across London to Ray's house. When she rang the doorbell, Sam answered the door again.

"Bella!" he said. "It's nice to see you again! What brings you back?"

"Your dad called this morning. He said the Skelton's came over last night and wanted to meet me?"

"Oh, right! Let me show you in!" Alex was led into the same room she had met Ray in. As she expected, there was Ray, in his wheelchair, and two others accompanied him.

"Bella's here Dad."

The two others in the room, a man and a woman, turned from Ray and gasped. "Bloody hell Ray," said the man, "you were right."

"Chris," said the woman. "Where are your manners? Hello. I'm Sharon Skelton, but I go by Shaz. The rude one is my husband. His name is Chris." Shaz looked as good as ever; the years had put a few wrinkles on her face, but left her mostly unscathed.

Chris stood up and shook her hand. "Sorry, love. Its jus'… Ray was right. You are a spittin' image of yer mum." His hair was short, it seemed like he was trying to hide the fact that he was balding. He certainly hadn't escaped the past 26 years as well as Shaz had.

They talked for quite a while. Chris and Ray seemed quite content to talk about the old days in the Met, and while they talked about the days of Alex and Sam, they never mentioned the Guv. It didn't even seem like they were trying not to mention him. It was like his name had simply been forgotten over time. Shaz remained silent preferring to let the two men speak and occasionally putting in a detail or two. She spent most of her time staring at Alex, as if working out a complex puzzle.

Chris and Ray were talking about the eighties again. "Remember Chris, it was the time we 'ad to arrest Neary and we were making puff jokes and the boss walked in?" By now, they had already told Alex several times that the boss was DI Drake.

"Yeah, what about it?"

"D'ya remember what she said?"

"Yeah it was somethin' like, 'Let's focus on the case, and not whose cock he sucks?'"

"That was it! Yeh shoulda seen Chris' face after she said that. Yer mum was always on our case for stuff like that."

Alex decided that this was the time to bring up the forbidden topic. "Didn't your DCI try to stop you?"

The tension in the room suddenly increased. The other three stiffened. They looked at each other. It was finally Shaz who answered. "DCI Hunt was…not the DCI you'd expect. He differed in his beliefs on how policing should be done. He wasn't what you'd call 'politically correct.'"

Alex felt how uncomfortable it was for them to even think about him. She let the topic drop, and the tense moment was quickly forgotten while Chris and Ray started to talk about football. Shaz, however, kept staring at Alex. She got up quickly. Ray and Chris stared at her.

"Bella, you must be so tired of these old men only talking sports and the glory days. Come onto the porch with me, and we can talk about more interesting things."

With that she gestured to Alex, and left the room. Alex followed her out to the porch and sat. Shaz looked expectantly at Alex, and when she said nothing, Shaz started talking.

"Okay, you know more about Hunt than you're letting on. I can tell."

"It's difficult to explain, Shaz."

"Don't do that! You were always talking down to me, always talking down to the station. You said we weren't real. You acted like we didn't know anything. I know one thing though. You aren't who you say you are. You owe me an explanation ma'am." Shaz stopped, and looked shocked.

"Shaz."

"I'm sorry ma'am. I really am. I didn't mean it!"

"Shaz. How did you know?"

"How did I know what?" Shaz feigned ignorance, but the guilty look on her face said otherwise.

"That I'm not Bella."

With Alex's open acknowledgement of not being who she said she was, Shaz started in. "How you acted. First off, you look exactly the same ma'am. Your hair is different, so's your make-up, but your face is the same. In '82, you always were saying something about the future. Your mannerisms, the way you walk, everything about you is the same. Even your laugh is the same. How can it be that way, if you were Alex's daughter? Wouldn't you have some of her husband in you? Something would be different! Especially if you never knew her!

Also, in 1982, you would always talk about your daughter, but she had a different name. It was something like Molly. I don't know how, but I know you _are _Alex Drake."

Alex was amazed. "You would have made a great detective Shaz."

"My family was more important."

"Shaz, I need you to tell me what happened to the Guv. I need to know how he ended up where he is."

"I'll do that ma'am, but you've got to promise me something."

"What is it?"

"You have to tell me how you are, you know, the same."

"I will."

With that, Shaz settled in to tell the story.

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**TBC...**


	7. Answers

**Thanks to everyone who's been reading. I own none of Ashes to Ashes or their characters. The characters I made up I own. Unbeta'd so any mistakes are mine!**

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_They looked sad as they had approached him. He knew the news was not good. _

"_Guv," Ray started._

_He looked up. "She's dead, isn't she?" His voice was so different. Pain, despair and shame accompanied every syllable._

"_No, Guv," Ray responded quickly. "She's not dead, but it's not looking good."_

_He had a memory of his brother, attached to life support before he died. He hadn't looked the same. And he could picture her like that. Her beautiful sleeping face, so peaceful, underneath an oxygen mask. An IV dripping precious nutrients into her body so she wouldn't starve. And her, oblivious to it all. She was as good as gone. And it was all his fault._

_**_

**November, 1982. The day of the blag. Alex has just been shot. Shaz's POV**

Chris and Shaz ran up to the Guv. Ray had reached him first. Alex was lying on the ground. They all stopped for a moment, they had to take in the horror. Her eyes closed. It was then that they reacted. Shaz ran to her side. Ray picked up his radio and called for an ambulance. Chris went over to look at the other man in the courtyard. Dead.

Shaz checked Alex's pulse. It was weak, but still there, and she was breathing faintly. Shaz ripped the beret off her head.

"Chris! Give me your tie." He did so with no question, which was unusual. Maybe he realized the seriousness of the situation. Shaz rolled the beret up and pressed it against the wound. Then she tied Chris' tie around it.

"Jus' 'old on ma'am." Shaz looked up; surprised to that it was Ray who said it. She knew that he was loyal to the Guv, but had no idea how much he respected the DI. Other than the sirens approaching in the distance, the courtyard lapsed into silence.

"No!" Chris, Ray, and Shaz jumped. The Guv had been standing in shocked silence for so long; they had forgotten he was there. He looked at Alex.

"That foul, scheming, two-timing, little BITCH! She did this!"

Shaz was confused. How could he be blaming the DI for this? True, she had been here against orders, and she was acting oddly the day before, but Shaz couldn't believe that Drake was corrupt. Of course she couldn't believe that the Guv would shoot Alex either…

"Guv," Ray said.

"It wasn't me fault! It was Jeanette! She was watching the blag, and when I shot that man, she came out and Drake hostage. Jenette fired at me so I fired back, but Drake got hit instead of that scumbag. Ya have ta believe me Ray." This was serious. The Guv was pleading.

"I do Guv," Ray said quietly.

The conversation came to a quick end when the ambulances came screaming in. The crew loaded Alex up as quickly and gently as they could and took off, sirens wailing.

Chris, Ray, Shaz, and Gene all looked at each other, not entirely sure what to do.

"Right," said Gene. I guess we better get to the hospital. Shaz, you should change before ya go. Yer a mess."

Shaz looked down at her soiled dress. This morning it had been so beautiful, so exquisite. Now it was in tatters. She hoped her mum wouldn't kill her when she saw.

Chris, Ray, and the Guv piled into the Quattro and took off. Shaz looked at them, and realised that Ray had left the front passenger seat open. Shaz looked down at herself again. She would change and then go to the hospital.

***

**2009**

"Wait a second," Alex interrupted finally. "The Guv, he wasn't mad at me?"

"Not in the way he was the night before. I think he was mad that you showed up at all, but he was the angriest at himself.

"_Oh Gene. If I had known, I would've tried harder to find a way ho...back to 1982. Maybe I can still find a way back."_

Shaz continued with her monologue

***

**1982**

The surgery had been over for hours. They all were sitting around her bed. The doctors weren't optimistic. She hadn't had any vital organs hit, but had lost a lot of blood. She had a bag of blood hooked up and an IV drip. She was so pale. It was a sight that Shaz had not expected to see.

Suddenly two men walked into the room. It was Chief Superintendant James Saul and a man Shaz had never seen before. The Super crossed the room.

"How is she?" His didn't seem like he actually cared, but Shaz answered anyway.

"It's not good sir. She lost a lot of blood."

"I see." He turned around. "DCI Hunt. One of your DC's filled me in on the events that occurred today. I am therefore suspending you pending an investigation of why you shot your DI. This is your replacement. His name is DCI John Philips. He will lead the investigation."

Gene's already sorrowful face fell. Shaz had never felt so sorry for him in her life. All the while, DI Alex Drake slept peacefully in the background, unaware anything was going on.

***

Several weeks passed. Orders were given to bring Gene Hunt in for questioning, but he had mysteriously disappeared. Eventually, a young DC had brought him in. Philips had held a party that night. None of CID attended. They were all waiting. Alex had hovered between life and death for weeks. The doctors had no explanation. She should have woken up or died by now.

The Guv was always receiving a stream of visitors. Viv would sneak him some of Luigi's food and Ray was in the cells if he wasn't working.

The Guv had changed though. He stopped responding to people and looked past them if they talked to him. He had said only a few words.

"My fault. I killed her. S'all my fault."

Then, the day DCI Philips was going to charge the Guv with attempted murder of a police officer, it happened. Alex died.

Ray and Chris wanted to keep it from the Guv, but Shaz knew that he had to know. She let herself in his cell and sat next to him.

"Guv, there's something you need to know. DI Drake, she... well she..."

"She died." His voice was flat. He had no emotion.

"Yes Guv."

"I'll be charged with murder."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"Most likely, Guv."

"It's all me fault." With that he turned his back to her. "Just go Shaz. I'm a cop killer; I deserve whatever sentence I get."

Shaz left the cell, closing the door quietly. As she looked through the window in the door, she swore she saw a tear roll down his cheek. Then she walked down the hallway, away from the cell of the now tamed "Manc Lion."

***

**2009**

"That day he was charged with murder. He was found guilty and got life. Chris and I, we tried to visit, but he told us to stop. We respected his wishes. Ray kept visiting, but stopped. Being in his company was too depressing. We stopped talking about him. It was an unspoken rule. To talk about him was to bring up the past, the bad past, the one we don't look at. The only reason they were talking about you today is because they knew that you would want to hear stories like that. You haven't been mentioned in years. Out of respect ma'am, not anything else."

Alex had tears in her eyes. She expected a story like that, but hearing what happened to the Guv, what he turned into was painful to listen to. She didn't expect he would fall apart like he did. She was shocked.

"Ma'am?" It's your turn. How did you die and yet stay the same?"

"To tell you the truth Shaz, I'm not entirely sure myself.

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**TBC.. Reviews are always appreciated**


	8. Explanation

**Sorry I didn't post yesterday, I had a full day! Thanks for all the reviews,this chapters just mostly fluff, but I couldn't bear to take it out. I'm just gonna say now, this whole story is Unbeta'd so I don't have to keep typing it. Also Ashes isn't mine.... big shocker that one.**

* * *

_The rhythm beat through his head. It was the same rhythm that had been there for days. It was always the same pulsing rhythm, the same taunt. ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL YOUR FAULT! It never ended. But he deserved it. It was his fault she had gotten shot. All his fault._

_**_

Alex hesitated, not sure where to begin. "I guess I'll start with what happened about a year ago," she said.

Shaz leaned forward, already listening attentively.

"About a year ago, I received word that a man named Sam Tyler had been in an accident, which left him in a coma. I decided to study his case, for a book I was writing on trauma and the workplace. His case intrigued me. He had been hit by a car and woke up in 1973, but heard flashes of the future. I thought he was mad. Then one day, a few months ago, I was taking my daughter to school, and got called in on a hostage negotiation. The man was Arthur Layton."

Shaz gasped. She remembered Layton. She thought about how he had held her at gunpoint until Ray and Chris came to rescue her. "_And the Guv."_

"Layton took my daughter hostage but released her. I took Molly to her godfather and got in my car to get back to work. I looked in my rear-view mirror and screamed. Layton was there, with a gun to my head. He made me drive to the docks and took me on his boat. Then he shot me."

"Is that what you were always going on about, in '82? You always said something that you were about to die, or something."

"Yes, Shaz." Alex didn't want her to interrupt. She was getting quite caught up in reliving this tale.

"I woke up in 1981 on that boat of Markham's. I ran off and that's when Chris, Ray, and the Guv found me. I couldn't believe it. I had found my way into Sam's fantasy. At first I was determined that I would get home, but as the months wore on, I remembered less and less about it. Then I met a man who claimed he was from the same time as I was.

"He was sending me roses. He seemed to stalk me. I was afraid of him. He was the one who drugged me, in order to get information about why I was there. He told me his name was Martin Summers."

"Summers? But that was the PC...he was killed by Lafferty!"

"No. Summers killed himself and told me to get rid of the body. I was in shock. I did the only thing I could think of, which was what Lafferty had done. Anyway, Summers always alluded to Operation Rose. He gave that as the explanation for why he landed in 1982. He made me want to go back home. He told me that he knew of a way, but I would have to go corrupt. I couldn't. He continued to haunt me, trying to get me to switch sides.

"Finally, it was the day before the blag. I had gotten a message over my television that I had an infection, and they were giving me super-antibiotics. They would give me 50 mils of the antibiotics, and if I hadn't woken up by then, I would die. I believed the infection was Summers. I kept trying to go after him, to stop him, so I could go home, but the Guv got suspicious of what I was doing. He asked me to tell him the truth. I did."

"You told the Guv you were from the future?!"

"Yes, and he thought I was taking a piss. He pushed me away after that. I can't really say that I blame him. It all ended in our screaming match in front of all of CID. I thought that he hated me at that point, but I hoped that he would come around and figure out that I wasn't corrupt.

"The next morning, even though I was under suspension, I went to the blag. I believed it was my last chance to nail Summers. I watched on King Douglas, until he left and walked past me. I followed him into the courtyard, where he had disappeared. I turned, and felt a gun barrel in my back. It was him. He told me about how he knew that Operation Rose was his reason for coming back, holding me at gunpoint. Then from the entrance, I heard the Guv's voice. He told Summers to drop his gun or he would shoot. Summers just looked at the Guv, and said 'I know.'

"He cocked the gun, and pointed it at my face. The Guv fired. He ran over to Summers, and held him as he died. I thought that I could go home at that point, so I couldn't understand why I was still there. Then Jenette ran into the courtyard, demanding money and held me at gunpoint. The Guv told her to let me go. I tried to get out of her grasp myself, which caused her to shoot at the Guv. He ducked and fired back blindly. I felt a searing pain in my side, and knew I had been shot.

"I thought I was going to die. I wish I could describe what those last few moments were like, but it's impossible."

"I know ma'am. Remember, you brought me back to life after Gil Hollis stabbed me."

Alex didn't even hear Shaz. She was too caught up in her own story. "The world faded to white, a blinding white. The last thing I saw was the Guv staring at me. Then I woke up in my hospital bed with a doctor at the foot of it, telling me how lucky I was. I wanted to find out whether or not that world was real or not, so I went to CID and looked up your files. That's how I found Ray."

"That's how you know what happened to the Guv."

"Yes."

"Ma'am I am going to tell you something that you probably don't want to know. When you died, it tore the Guv up. He was never the same man. He never stopped blaming himself. When he was arrested, he seemed so...small. It was almost scary to see how much he had changed. And when you died, he...he died too. Well, his soul did. When you died, he had no reason to live anymore. So he just...exists."

Both of them were crying. They were both so happy that they had found each other after 26 years, but yet so sad for what they had lost.

Alex looked at Shaz. "Tomorrow, I'm gonna see the Guv."

_

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_

**TBC... Next Chapter's more interesting I promise!**


	9. Nightmares

**Thanks for the reviews much appreciates. Ownership of ashes = not me**

_She had more colour than she did when Ray had last come to see her. The oxygen mask was still on her face, and the doctors weren't optimistic, but she looked better than she had in days. Ray looked at her sleeping face and worked up the courage to say something to her._

"_Ma'am I know ya probably can't hear me, but I want to tell you something. I'm no good at talking to people in the hospital, but I have to try. The doctor's said yer in a bad sort. I know it would probably hurt a lot, but do ya think you could come back? We all know how much you and the Guv love each other, and the Guv isn't the same without ya. I miss ya too. I don't let on, but I do really respect ya ma'am. Yer mad, a complete pain in the arse, but that's how we work best. Without a mad DI, CID couldn't work. The Guv hardly made it through Sam's death. He nearly drank himself into a coma when Sam died. I can't imagine what he'd do if you died too. He doesn't have any booze anymore. He's in prison right now ma'am and he's blamin' himself. Please ma'am, even if you don't come back for the Guv, come back for me. Cause I love ya too. Not like the Guv, but like the annoying sister I never had ya know? I miss ya ma'am. If ya can hear me, just know that we all want you back here._

_Ray looked at her. She lay in the bed, oblivious to everything. The heart monitor beeped in the background steadily. He thought about the Guv. He had only said three words in the past few days._

"_All my fault."_

_**_

He still could remember her voice. He hadn't heard it for twenty six years, but he could remember it. Sometimes he heard it in his dreams. It was always accusing, demanding why he had shot her. She questioned why he didn't believe her. Why did he listen to Jenette? Then she would be falling over. Always the same nightmare.

He lived in his nightmares. There was no distinction between awake and dreaming. He was always in the courtyard, watching her fall, losing everything that meant anything. For a while, that nightmare made him wake up, screaming. Eventually, it made him go numb. He felt nothing but shame. He had tried to save her. He tried so hard... It was his fault. He didn't listen to her. That's why he was plagued by these dreams.

His face lifted. He could hear her voice. How? It wasn't accusatory, wasn't questioning him. He could tell that he was awake, the bright sunlight streaming into his cell. Maybe he was finally going mad. His cell door opened and a woman walked in. A woman, in tight jeans and a blouse, who looked just like Alex. That's when he knew, he wasn't going mad. He _was_ mad.

_

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_

**TBC... Sorry the chapter was so short! But I did post two chapters today :P**


	10. Gene

**Thanks for reviews, much appreciated. No other commentary today.**

* * *

_The heart monitor beeped continuously. There had been no change for days. Chris and Shaz sat next to her. Her colour had returned mostly, but she was still a little pale. It was dark in the room. _

"_Maybe you'd like some daylight ma'am? I know I would if I was cooped up in here all day." Shaz got up and opened the curtains. Sunlight streamed into the room. Chris gasped. Shaz spun around. _

"_What is it, baby?"_

"_Her hand! Her hand moved!"_

_Was she coming back? Chris looked at her._

"_Ma'am, are ya comin' back? Please do. Ya should hear the Guv. HE's awful ta listen to. All he ever says is 'It's all me fault.'"_

_**_

Alex had spent a while standing outside the prison. He had been here for 26 years. She worked up the courage to finally walk in. The man at the desk looked up at her, bored.

"I want to see Gene Hunt."

He looked shocked at the name, but quickly called a guard to take her back. The second guard, however, was quite talkative.

"So do you know Gene 'unt?"

"I didn't. My mother did, she worked with him."

"She wasn't that DI he murdered was she?"

Alex glared at him.

"Oh, she was. I'm sorry. After a while, in me profession, the crimes don't shock ya anymore."

"Maybe you should think before you speak. But no offense taken."

"Thank you ma'am. I will next time. Jus' to let you know, that Gene 'unt, 'e don't talk much. In fact, I've worked here for 25 years, and never heard him say a word, 'cept when 'e would wake from 'is dreams screaming. Those were awful nights, they were. 'E'd wake up screaming "Bolly" or summat like that. Eventually, 'e stopped. One thing I never got though: why would 'e be screamin' a bottle of posh shampoo? I could never understand that."

"Some things aren't meant to be understood." Alex was seriously getting sick of this man.

"Right. Well, 'ere you are. Jus' knock on the door when you're ready ta come out."

The guard unlocked the door and let her in. There was a man sitting on the bed on the opposite side of the room. He looked up as she entered. Shock crossed his face. He stared at her.

"I am mad. I'm seein' my Bolls 'ere in prison with me." His gravelly voice was hoarse. Alex looked sadly at him. He hadn't shaved for a few days and his beautiful golden mane was now grey and unkempt. He was almost shockingly thin. His eyes, his beautiful blue eyes with their extremely long lashes were filled with empty sadness. What amazed her most though, was his presence. Before, when he walked into a room, you could feel him. Now, he was so small. He didn't care whether he lived or died.

"Gene."

"Yer voice sounds the same. Course, if this is one of them 'lucinations, I'm not surprised. Why aren't ya dressed in eighties gear though? Whenever I see ya in me dreams, yer always in the outfit ya wore the day I shot ya. You know which one. Ya had on a red sash tied in the front, ya would've put yer gun in it, and a cream coloured shirt with red dots and red buttons. It had some kind of red trim around the neck and front of the shirt. Ya had on tassels as earrings and extremely tight blue jeans and black boots. Oh, and yeh had yer leather jacket. Yeh always had that jacket. "

Alex was shocked. She couldn't remember what she was wearing that day with that kind of accuracy.

"Gene, what happened to you?"

"I always figgered you'd come back."

"What do you mean?"

"Ya died Bolls." Then he went silent. "_And it was all my fault._"

"Guv…"

"The second ya fell, I knew you'd die. And I've just waited for ya to come back. I knew you'd want your revenge."

"Gene, that's not what I want. What happened to _you?_ You used to be so strong. You wouldn't listen to anyone! Nothing bothered Gene Hunt! He was the Manc Lion!" She said this to try and get a reaction out of him. It didn't work. He just looked up at her with those depressed eyes.

"Ya died, Alex. So I died too."

"Gene, I'm going to change this. I am going to live."

"How can ya live when yer already dead?"

"I'm going back Gene. I'm going to save you from becoming this."

A sad smile crossed his face. "Jus' like my Bolly. Always talkin' nonsense."

The smile disappeared. "I couldn't save ya. I'm sorry."

"Gene..."

"Listen to me, Bolls. I've spent near 30 years in this cell. I've wanted to physically die since the second you fell down. Now, I got to see you one last time and yeh weren't yellin' at me. That's all I ever wanted. Even if I am mad. I'm finally partially at peace."

Alex had wanted to say more, but after his last statement, there was no way she could talk to this Gene Hunt anymore without crying. She knocked on the door.

As she stepped out of the cell, she heard his voice again. "Bye Bolly."

She looked back as the guard closed on the small shape of Gene Hunt. Watching him, Alex was reminded horribly of one of the things Sam had told her.

"_The day they were going to take me off life support, Reg Cole told me I was dead already. I was breathing, my heart was beating, but it was an allusion of life. Me mam had told me that at the beginning of the day. Hearing that, I didn't mind so much that I was most likely going to die."_

This was Gene Hunt now. Still breathing, heart beating, but only an allusion of life...

She knew now. She _would_ find a way back.

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**TBC**


	11. Television

**Thanks again for reviews! Owning ashes=not me!**

_It was the middle of the night. She was surrounded by three others. Two were asleep and one had been still for hours. She stirred in the bed. Her hand twitched and she sighed underneath the oxygen mask. Shaz, who had been staring at her deep in thought, noticed. "Did you see that?!"_

_Chris and Ray both woke with a snort. "Whuzz goin' on?" Ray managed._

"_She moved again!"_

_The doctor came in to see what the commotion was. He removed the mask from her face. "She seems to be breathing normally on her own," he said._

_Her lips parted and muttered something that no one could hear, except Shaz, who was the closest._

"_Gene…"_

_The doctor checked her over once more. _

"_What does this mean?" Chris asked._

_The doctor turned around and looked at him. "She's coming back."_

_She was coming back, because it wasn't his fault._

_**_

Alex was lost in thought. How was she supposed to get back? She couldn't leave Molly behind, and she wanted to come back to 2009, so jumping off a building was out of the question. She wished she had Sam's notes with her, but he had been assigned to a different psychologist in the wake of her injury. Her head throbbed, something that happened quite frequently nowadays. The doctors had guaranteed her that the headaches would occur less frequently, but she would always get them.

Something was different though. Her side hurt too. It felt like she had a stitch in her left side, but she had not been doing anything active for hours. As quickly as it had come, the pain disappeared. She flipped through the channels on the television, and stopped at a children's program. She smiled, remembering how much she watched children's programming in the eighties.

The lights flickered and went out. Even though it was midday, the flat was pitch-black. The television flickered back on. Shaz's face appeared on the screen, but through a fog. Eventually the fog cleared and Alex was left staring at Shaz, who seemed to be staring back.

"Ma'am, if you can hear me, I want to tell you something." Shaz's voice finally broke the silence. "We're all beggin' ya to come back, and the doctors say you are. But I heard what you said when they took the mask off. "

Alex got down off the couch and crawled closer to the screen. "What did I say Shaz? What did I say?"

"The thing is, I know you two had a falling out, but the Guv, he didn't mean it. He's so torn up ma'am. If fear of the Guv is holding you back, please, don't be afraid of him. You know what I think ma'am? I think that he…"

The television cut out. Alex was left on the floor, staring at the children's program. "You think that he what, Shaz?" She said to the television. It didn't change back.

"SHAZ! SHAZ! YOU THINK THAT HE WHAT?! COME BACK! WHAT DO YOU THINK SHAZ?!" Alex was screaming at the television and the door opened.

"Mum? What are you doing on the floor? Are you okay?" Molly was home.

Alex started.

"Mum come on, you need rest. Let's get you to your bed." Molly was helping her up. Alex looked at her little girl, and gasped. Her birthmark was gone.

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**TBC**

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	12. Figments

**Thanks once again for reviews! They are much appreciated. I do not own ashes, or its characters...**

* * *

_CID hadn't been the same since the Guv was suspended. The new DCI was in a way, fiercer than the Guv ever was. There was no smoking allowed, no drinking either. All the pictures of girls had been taken down. It reminded Ray and Chris of when DCI Morgan had taken over for the brief spell when the Guv was on the run for murder. Only now, it didn't seem likely that he would get out of trouble so easily. If only Alex would wake up…_

_Ray started out of his reverie when the doors of the office slammed open. The new DCI came through the doors, with some blonde girl in handcuffs. She turned. It was Jenette._

"_Ray, Chris," he yelled. "I want you to question her right now! She's been taken in on the attempted murder of Tim Rivens."_

"_Her own brother?" Ray asked._

"_This is a gangster family. You don't know what they're capable of."_

_They took her into the interrogation room. As hard as they tried, they couldn't get any information out of her. She looked smugly up at them._

"_Where's that DCI of yours?"_

_They didn't say anything. It was too painful to think about the Guv in the cells._

"_I bet he's in the cells after what he did to that DI of yours."_

"_What'd he do?"Chris asked._

"_Shot her in the stomach didn't he?"_

"_How could you know what the Guv did to her?" asked Ray. "It hasn't been released that he did that!"_

_Jenette stopped. Clearly she had not thought things through._

"_Chris did you get that on the tape?"_

"_Yeah, I did."_

"_Let's show it to the DCI. We may be able to get the Guv off. It looks like he's telling the truth!"_

"_Thank God for Sam being a pain in the arse huh?"_

_Ray and Chris ran to the filling DCI with the tape, but in his cell, the rhythm pounded on. ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL YOUR FAULT! ALL YOUR FAULT!_

_**_

Had her cheek always been like that? No, it couldn't have been. It was the next day, and Alex was flipping through photos of Molly when she was younger, but the birthmark was gone. She could've sworn that Molly had always had it. What was going on?

She got off the couch and washed her face, being careful around her wound on her forehead. As she pressed the towel to her forehead, she realised she was pressing down on exactly where the wound was. She felt no pain. Alex looked in the mirror, moving her fringe so she could see the bullet hole clearly. It wasn't there. Something was wrong.

Alex decided to go for a walk and clear her head. She walked out of her bathroom to the door of the flat and opened it. There was nothing outside the door. No floor, no wall, just black. Scared, she closed the door, and walked back into her living room. She looked out the window. It was cloudy out, and traffic was flowing like normal. She walked to the door of the flat again. It wasn't there.

"Mum!" Molly was calling out from the living room. She walked towards Molly's voice. Molly was sitting on the couch, birthmark still missing, hair pulled back. "Mum!" she called again.

"Molly what is it? What's wrong?" She sat on the couch next to Molly and put her arm around her. "Molly what's going on?"

Molly didn't respond. She just looked straight ahead. "Mum!"

Alex didn't know what to do. Molly had never acted like this before. "I'll get you a glass of water, love, okay?" She walked to the kitchen and got a glass of water. Alex walked back into the living room. Molly was gone. She dropped the glass of water. It smashed on the floor.

The lights went out and the television flickered on. Molly's face was on the screen. She was crying. There was a voice behind her.

"Molly, it's alright. She's just weak from the infection, and the antibiotics sent her into a deeper coma," the voice said.

A deeper coma? Was this world a figment of her imagination too?

The voice continued. "Alex is in a very deep coma at the moment, almost as if she is in a coma within a coma. This is due to the antibiotics. She should be back at her normal state in a few hours."

A coma within a coma? She had never actually woken up? "No..." Alex started crying. "No...Molly...no. I'm sorry. I thought I was woken up Molls." The screen went black and Alex kept crying.

Wait. If this world was just her coma world from 1982, it meant that the Guv was okay. He hadn't been tried for murder, yet. But what about the messages over the television? Those must have been telling her what was happening in 1982, like when she was in '82 and got messages from the 21st century. If this wasn't real, then there was no need to control her thoughts. She was going to wake up in 1982. She could feel it. Finally, after several weeks of building the wall in her head, she let it down.

_Gene..._

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**TBC...**


	13. Awake

**Thanks once again for all the reviews! ashes ownership=not me**

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_He was in his cell. Thoughts flooded his mind. He was at the Cale's. He had just seen her warrant card on the floor. Not thinking about anything but her, he pulled the trigger of his gun. He walked through the falling glass. He saw the Cales and walked over to them. They were handcuffed in seconds. "Where is she?" he growled. Joan looked at him in hatred. _

"_In the cold store." Chas answered. His eyes were as full of fear as his wife's were of hatred. He opened the door. She was lying on the floor, eyes wide with fear. Her mouth was gagged and her hands and feet were tied. He knelt down. _

"_Alex." She looked past him. Her face was so full of fear. He started to untie her arms. She whimpered. A tear was at the corner of her eye, and they shut slowly as she slipped into unconsciousness. _

"_Bolly. No." He pulled the gag from her mouth and picked her up. He carried her onto the couch. She was so cold. He ripped her shirt open and started CPR. He stopped and checked her heart. Still nothing. Bracing himself, slightly excited, he grabbed her face and leaned in.... A hand grabbed his cheek..._

_She was awake._

_His mind wandered again. He was in the Quattro, and she started screaming for help. He radioed her back. "Bolly where are you? What's going on?"_

_No reply. Just another scream. He drove to the crime scene, where she said she would be. He raised the radio to call to her again. Then he heard a scream. It was full of agony. It was hard to even listen to. He raised the door. There she was, strapped to a gurney. Someone was standing over her. _

"_Bolly!" he cried. The man ran, leaving her on the gurney. He ran over to her. There was something in her arm. He pulled it out. He looked at her. She was unconscious, drugged into sleep. He grabbed her shoulders and started to shake her._

"_Alex. Alex, wake up. Wake up, Alex!" Her eyes opened slowly._

_She was awake._

_**_

Every memory of Gene poured over her. Image after image of him filled her head until one stayed. It was at Viv's birthday party. He had smiled at her. It was a true smile, his guard had disappeared completely. How she'd wanted to kiss him. Suddenly, her side started hurting. It throbbed. She gasped with the pain. The room was spinning. She was falling. Falling into blackness.

Alex closed her eyes. The sheer darkness hurt them. She was still falling. She lost all track of time, she was just aware of the painful blackness. Her side... How her side hurt! She kept falling, until suddenly she landed on something unbelievably soft.

The darkness didn't hurt her eyes so much. She realised how heavy they seemed to be, like waking out of a deep slumber. Alex heard sounds around her, but nothing made sense. She could feel her side. It hurt, but not as bad as before she had started falling. She tried to open her eyes again. She succeeded, but could only see shapes before the bright light made her close them again. Sounds began to make more sense.

"Her eyes opened, didja see it?"

"She's waking up!"

"Ma'am. It's Shaz. Ma'am? How are you feeling?"

There was too much sound. She kept her eyes closed. Then she heard it. The voice she wanted to hear more than any other.

"Bolly."

Her eyes opened. Shaz, Chris, and Ray were sitting on the right side of her bed. She looked to her left. There he was. His face was unshaven, and his shadows were under his eyes. His hair was unkempt and his clothes were rumpled. She looked at him.

"Guv."

She was awake.

*

He looked at her form resting on the bed. It had been weeks since he had seen her. He supposed he should be excited, he was released from jail because of Jenette's slip, but only one thing could excite him at the moment. Then it happened.

She sighed. Her hand twitched slightly. Her eyes started moving underneath her eyelids, almost as if she was waking up. Then, he caught a glimpse of hazel as her eyes opened and shut again.

Ray was the first to speak.

"Her eyes opened, didja see it?"

"She's waking up!" Chris stated unnecessarily.

"Ma'am. It's Shaz. Ma'am? How are you feeling?"

He held his breath, waiting. He had never been so scared in his life. What would she think of him? A few seconds passed, and she made no move to open her eyes again.

"Bolly." He hadn't planned on saying it, it just slipped out. She was so close to being awake. She couldn't go back into her coma. As the plea fell from his lips, her eyes opened again. She looked around the room, and focused on him.

"Guv." She sounded weak and tired. But she was awake.

_She was awake.

* * *

_

**TBC... :)**


	14. Resolutions

**Thank you to who everyone who reviewed this story. I enjoyed writing this so much! (It was done in two days!) Thank you again! XXrantandrumourXX**

* * *

_Ray and Chris practically knocked the cell door down trying to open it. He looked up. _

"_Guv. They're letting you out."Ray was practically shouting._

"_What? How?"_

"_They pulled Jenette in," Chris explained. "We interviewed 'er, and she said things about the blag not revealed to the public."_

"_Thanks to Sam, Chris was recordin' tha interview," Ray broke in._

"_And we took that straight to the DCI," Chris finished. "We gave her the options of attempted murder on her brother-she's guilty on that too-or threatenin' a police officer with a gun. She admitted to everything."_

"_Her story matched up with yours Guv. Almost word for word."_

"_So she's gettin' charged on the whole hostage thing. An' she's getting charged with the attempted murder of Tiny Tim! Twat! She should know better to trust us after she near got our DI killed."_

"_Bloody Hell. The next time I call you two divs remind about this."_

"_We will," said Chris, already planning to have to use it later that day._

"_Now," said Gene after being given his things, "Let's go see how Bolly's doin."_

_For the first time in weeks, the Quattro roared to life. But even after his freedom, one thought still invaded his head. "She's still in the hospital. And it's all my fault."_

_**_

Chris, Shaz, and Ray had left, leaving Gene and Alex alone. The doctors said that just by waking up, she was well on her way to a full recovery. It was all Gene could do to not kick the doctor in the arse and tell him "Well, duh ya div!" He refrained, for Alex's sake.

The room had been silent for a while. She was sleeping again. God, she looked so peaceful. It was midnight. Gene's eyes were getting heavy. He started dozing, but woke when she moved. She inhaled deeply, looked at the clock and then looked at him. Those hazel eyes. God, he had missed them.

"Gene, you're still here?"

"Can't get rid of me Bolly. I have two weeks of not being by yer side ta make up."

"Don't be silly, Guv."

"I'm not, Bolls. I didn't think I'd ever see yer face again. Thought I'd be in jail fer the rest of me life."

Alex had a twinge of guilt, remembering the deposed Gene of 2009.

"When ya fell, I thought ya were gone fer good. I realised, if I lost ya, I'd lose me whole world. Bolly, I'm sorry fer everything. It's all me fault. If I hadn't been so bloody stubborn..."

"Gene..."

"No, Alex. Let me finish. I realised, the second I saw ya grabbin' yer stomach, that you were me whole world. I live fer the moments when you barge through me office door and scream at me. I shoulda told ya this the day I figgered it out for meself. I love ya Alex Drake. It took me till ya nearly died to be able to say it, but I couldn't live if ya died Bolls. An' ya can laugh at me, but I hope ya don't because I'm kinda hoping you feel the same way. There. I'm done. Ya can tell me ta get out or punch me in the gob or whatever."

Alex looked at him. He looked so vulnerable. He wouldn't meet her eyes. It reminded her of the time he had asked her out on a date. "Gene. Stop blaming yourself first off. I don't blame you for what happened. And neither should you. And as far as your last statement, there's no possible way I could laugh at that Guv. I have to be completely insane, but I love you too."

His head lifted as he looked at her in shock. "Yer serious?" She shook her head yes.

"Oh, God Bolls. I can't believe it."

"What can I do to make you believe it, Gene Hunt?"

"There is one thing. Don't smack me gob as I do this." Gene leaned over her and looked deep into her eyes. He slowly lowered his face onto hers. Their lips met.

His lips moved against hers as he muttered something almost too soft for Alex to hear.

"I love you Alex Drake."

That night, Alex experienced the best night in the hospital she ever would. And it was all his fault.


End file.
